We need to talk...

Dear Readers,

We need to talk. When we first started this thing, I posted every day. I was so dedicated to making you happy...attending to your every need. I showered you with gifts of wonderfully pathetic, yet hilarious stories. And in return, you left encouraging comments and showed empathy to my plight. We have been through so much together. There's been a lot of excitement, some great (and sometimes awkward) sex, and all the usual ups and downs.

I feel like I have been distant lately. I'm not showing you the attention you deserve. Sometimes I want to post, but I'm distracted with other things. And sometimes, I just avoid you completely. It's nothing you did. You've been a great group of readers. Really. It's not you; it's me. 

So, it is with great bitter-sweetness that I say, I'm breaking up with you...my readers.

I'm just going to be honest, because you deserve that. There's someone else. Most nights when I should be home thinking of you, I'm out doing fun activities with him. You deserve so much better than what I can give you right now. You don't really want to hear about the awesome birthday present I got, or how cute it is that we both got each other eight Hanukkah presents in honor of his first celebration of this holiday...do you? I didn't think so. 

I might come back to you one day. Maybe I'm making a mistake, but I just have to follow my heart right now. I hope you understand.

I'll always cherish our memories together over the last five months. Our relationship was short, but passionate. I hope we can still be friends.

Take care,

Lindsay

I am 28 years old.

On Monday, I turned 28.

When I was little, I thought this was the age for magic. I thought I'd be starring on Broadway, drive a Thunderbird, and I would marry my dream guy.

Some things haven't changed since I was a little girl. I still love Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. I still organize obsessively. I still sing and dance around my house.

But some things shifted with age. The Thunderbird was discontinued in 2005. I nixed my Broadway aspirations shortly after entering college. And I'm a long way from marriage.

But I can't complain. Life is good. 

Since starting my online dating shenanigans in March, I've gone on 16 first dates.

I've gone on four second dates.

I started and ended two pseudo-relationships.

And now I'm happy to say, I'm starting a third. Do you believe in the power of three? Maybe it's just the sorority girl in me, but I do.

I'm feeling good about turning 28. I still get carded everywhere I go. I have a great set of family and friends. I love my job. I have a dog that mostly loves me unconditionally. I'm (hopefully) about to get a new car. And I started a new romance...

Here's hoping the world doesn't end!

And, I'll give you one guess who this card is from...

What is a Grouper?

The following story is about a new adventure in dating, "Grouper." Though this is a true story, the names have been changed to protect their identity. Credit for the names goes to my amazing girlfriends. Love you, bebes. 

So I got this call from my friend -- Angela Sexpot -- asking if I'll be her wing for this dating thing called "Grouper." What the hell is a Grouper? I had no idea. Here's the gist...

Girl signs up, and gives some chick access to her Facebook, and they stalk the hell out of her until they find a guy they think she'll want to bone date. They pick a time and place, and set up the arrangements. Girl invites 2 single girlfriends. Boy invites 2 single guys. Everyone pays $20 and meets at the bar for their first point of contact.
Happiness, or awkwardness ensues.

You might be thinking...wait a minute. Did I miss an entry? I thought things were going well with Ron Swanson? This is true. But Angela Sexpot invited me before I had met him. I figured I might as well go, hang out with some of my best friends, and have a good story for the blog. (And yes, Ron Swanson knew I went.)

Angela Sexpot picked me up with Bebe Genuine and we pound a warm-up drink before heading to The Corner Door, a little restaurant bar local to my hood. We got there on time, but the guys were not there yet. The manager instantly recognized that we were a group of three chicks and asked if we were there for the Grouper. We order our first drinks, which are included with the $20 fee. The boys were fifteen minutes late before we started planning if we could use their drinks to get a free second round. And then a group of guys walked in... Bebe Genuine's face dropped. Let's just say, they were not cute. And thankfully, not there for us.

Our groupers walked in shortly after, apologizing for their tardiness. They weren't bad looking, either. Chatty Cathy, their leader, got right in and never stopped talking...both to Angela Sexpot and Bebe Genuine. I was sitting next to Miley Cyrus Hair Guy, a surfer from San Diego. We talked about Australia, since he'd lived there for a while. Across from me sat The Wet Sock. He was cute, but SO boring. The boys suggested we go to another bar for a second round...I was hesitant, but decided to take one for the team and go! It's a Monday! Why not get drunk?

On the way there, us girls decided Bebe Genuine would take Chatty Cathy (who was three years younger than us, by the way. What the hell? He knew our friend's little sister). Angela Sexpot would go for Miley Cyrus Hair Guy, and I would happily entertain The Wet Sock. I had all kinds of crazy girl questions prepped. 

The boys clearly made a plan, too, because once we got there...the lines were drawn. I tried asking The Wet Sock every dumb question I could think of like,
"What's your favorite Madonna song?" But he didn't bite. In fact, he got up from the table and moved to the other side, closer to Angela. Rude! Miley Cyrus Hair Guy gave me a lot of attention...Uh oh. He bought me a beer. I think he even tried to grab my hair. Uh oh. The girls and I agreed that the bar was FULL of hot hipster guys, and we were with none of them. Fail. Eventually we ended the night, and laughed our whole way home.

Moral of the story: I'm sure Grouper is a great idea. Go out with your friends? Score! But I don't think I'm a fan. I don't like the idea of "competing" with my girlfriends...let's see who wants to talk to us! It's kinda odd. The best part of the night was laughing with my girls. And getting free drinks from guys we never had to talk to again. We win!

So, I have this blog...

As Ron Swanson and I started spending more time together, I started to feel like there was an elephant sitting on my chest...

I'm totally lying to him until I tell him about this blog's existence!! I have to tell him!!!!

I consulted my male friends, who all thought it was way too soon to unleash the toxic info. But I did it anyway. If I was going to bring him to meet my family for Thanksgiving, he had to know. I couldn't risk that he found out from someone other than me...

Me: "So, I feel like I need to tell you something..."

Ron: "Uh oh"

Me: "Well...it's just that I've not told you, I'm kind of an avid blogger. I've had a few over the years."

Ron: "About what?"

Me: "I used to write one about working in restaurants, and it was pretty well-liked, but then I quit. And I wanted to start writing again, but I needed something about my current life..."

Ron: "Your sex life?"

Me: "Well, not exactly....but my dating life. I started writing about my experiences with online dating mostly."

Ron: "Have you written about me?"

Me: "Yes. But only good things!"

Ron: "Okay, well that's cool. I get it. It's a creative outlet."

THE END. He didn't ask me anything else! In fact, he didn't even want to read it or know what it's called...which is pretty easy to maintain since he's not on Facebook. And he didn't care if I continued to write about him, so here we are.

That was a little too easy. 

C-Block makes a New Friend

Not every guy has a positive reaction to, "I have a dog....he's a cocker spaniel mix...small, white, fluffy thing." But at the end of the day, he has to be cool with my main man, Oliver, if the relationship is going to go anywhere.

My roommate does the online dating thing, too. One time I witnessed a guy bring her dog a treat from Three Dog Bakery, and thought, "good move." She takes the meet-and-greet pretty seriously. But she's also the girl that locks her dog in the spare bedroom on nights her ex visits because he's a "light sleeper." Uh huh. Suuuuuuure. 

Personally, I've always approached the situation from a pessimistic side. I'm nervous that he'll think my dog is stupid and not manly enough.

"So, uh..here's my dog. Oh, ya he's crazy. Don't worry...let's go."

But secretly I'm jealous of the couples I watch at the dog park while Oliver wanders around peeing on every tree. 

Ron Swanson told me he had something for me when I went to his house for dinner. Turns out it wasn't a gift for me...but for my furry little c-block. He handed me a stuffed fox, complete with squeaker inside. It's Oliver's favorite kind of toy. To be fair to all other guys in the world, Ron Swanson isn't so perfect as to buy my dog a gift. He tried to adopt a dog after the divorce, but the jack russell was a little too crazy and their trial period (and relationship) expired...much like his marriage.

Oliver very happily accepted the foxy toy. 

We're both pretty content being #2 right now. 

Girls love assholes.

Girls (like me) love assholes. Anyone who disagrees...you're wrong. We may grow tired and get over it, but we still love them deep down.

Married Man laughed at my reaction to Ron Swanson. "I love that you can't handle a guy being nice to you." But really what am I supposed to think?? The guy wants to make me dinner. That doesn't happen to me. There must be something wrong with him...obviously. Doesn't he know he's supposed to pressure me into sleeping with him, only to never contact me again?

This is just not normal.

It makes me mad that I'm so surprised by his behavior. Have I completely forgot about what it was like to have someone truly care about me? The Busy Builder isn't pleased with my latest entries. Shocking, I know. Naturally, he's felt a need to respond to my recent entries. He knows I have a weakness for assholes, yet he denies being one. "You made zero effort with me, and that probably made me want it more," I said. "It's more complicated than that," he replied. But I know that means he wishes we could hook up again. I told him I can no longer think about our situation as complicated. That's how I ended up seeing him for so long after he showed complete disregard for my feelings.

No more assholes. It's time for a cleanse. 

And hey, it doesn't hurt that I like hanging out with Ron Swanson. The man makes a nice steak dinner. 

The "that didn't suck so let's do it again" Kiss

First dates are hard. You just never know what's going to happen. But if you're lucky and it goes well, I think there should be a first kiss involved.

I was thinking about my recent first kisses. It's funny how in all the movies, the guy is walking her up to her door when the magical first kiss moment happens. But with online dating, I can't show him where I live too soon, so all my first kisses happen outside my car...in some romantical parking lot.

Unlike my traumatic surprise-attack from Dick Downer, my first kiss with Ron Swanson was pretty good. After a couple easy kisses we both pulled back...

But then he pulled me back in for the real deal. It's like you have to test out if it's horrible or pleasant, and THEN decide if you should really put forth some real effort.

Sometimes I love being a girl. Happy 3-day weekend to my single peeps...and the not single ones, too (I guess). 

Election Date

It's a little risky to go on a first date on Election Day. I didn't know if Ron Swanson also thought it was odd, but I went for it anyway. But he could be crazy conservative and bring up politics and we could start fighting. Or worse, Romney could win. What's the worst that could happen?

First impression: He's cute. Kinda scruffy (and kinda hairy) with pretty eyes and a big smile. He was wearing a red flannel, perfectly fitting for his Ron Swanson name. He opened the door for me. And then he tested me: "So, this place is beer and wine only." That's ok. I drink beer. (I passed)

We found some seats at one of the communal tables at The Tripel and he took the lead suggesting we split a few things. We have a very similar sense of dorky humor. I tried to remember more details about him, but when I went online to check his profile again before our date (to study) I noticed he deleted his account. Without me asking, he mentioned he's new to the site and got creeped out by some girl he didn't reply to that was checking his profile every day. Sounds about right. But damn....where is he from again? What does he do? How old is he?? Crap.

He's from Florida. When I asked why he moved out here, he said he wanted to work for Pixar...which is interesting since I wanted be a Disney Princess but they stopped making musicals. Lame. Also, he moved out here with a girl....HIS WIFE. His EX-wife. Deep breaths. I am actually okay with a divorcee. As my girl Patti Stanger would say, it's a sign that he's willing to commit. But as my mom would say..."as long as he's ACTUALLY divorced." Good points. 

Half way through the date and I was feeling pretty positive about him. We laughed a lot, and I accidentally flung my fork across the table. Typical. Then President Obama was predicted to be re-elected. I looked at him and asked, "are you happy or sad?" We were both happy. Phew. 

The bill came and he pulled out the credit card, no question. I did not offer to pay. Unfortunately for him, the waitress came back....DECLINED. This is awkward. He used a different card, and I could tell he was embarrassed. We left and he walked me back to the lot. I made him guess which car was mine and he said it would be very weird if I drove a cougar because that was his first car. I think that means I passed that test, too. As we said goodbye, he leaned in and I let him kiss me.

When I got home, he texted me that he had a really great time and wanted to see me again. He also made it a point to mention that his credit card number had been compromised, according to his bank. That's kinda cute. He didn't even realize I stole his identity when he went to the bathroom....muahahaha...just kidding.

My new favorite game on OKCupid

In case you've been paying attention to my snapshots of dating profiles, I deleted my POF account and decided to explore OKCupid. (And yes I'm still too cheap for the paid sites. If you think I should be on there, you should sponsor my membership.) I grew tired of seeing The Busy Builder's face pop up in my searches, and I don't think I even wrote about the time he messaged me on there recently. Yup. We met on the site, and five months later he went out with his brother and thought it would be funny to message me, "hey baby ;)." Even I know he was on there to show his brother some other girls he was probably talking to. Ugh.

Anyway, I realized that on OKCupid you can search by keyword!

My new favorite game is searching for bands I love and looking for guys who have similar musical interests. No more Weezer please. In my search for guys who also like my favorite band, Local Natives, I came upon a guy whose username has to do with "Ron Swanson."

I decided to write him. Be bold. Geez, I really love Ron Swanson. He understands the simple things in life...like steak.

After a fair bit of banter, Ron Swanson asked to get drinks at a local bar. He quickly changed his mind and invited me to dinner...on Election Day.

Here's hoping Ron Swanson is a Democrat!

The Worst Second Date

A couple days after my date with The Speed Dater, he texted to say he had a great time and wanted to see me again. This took two weeks to happen, due to his work schedule. Just what I need...another workaholic.

He met me at Westside Tavern after for dinner and a movie on Saturday night. Unfortunately, the movie was sold out so he bought us tickets to see Perks of Being a Wallflower. We had FOUR HOURS to kill before it started. So he suggested we go across the street to Gyu-Kaku instead. The wait was a little long, so we walked next door to The Wellsbourne for a drink. Oh great. This just turned into the same date I took The Busy Builder on for our fourth date. We went up to the bar and he ordered...a DIET COKE. Wait, what?

Five minutes later, I changed his name to Dick Downer.
Things that Dick Downer is allergic to:

• cats
• dust
• ALCOHOL
• sun
• happiness
• fun

"But you can order a drink," he said. That's okay. If I wanted to drink alone, I'd be in my pj's watching SNL. We walked into the restaurant and he panicked: "Does it seem safe to eat here? It looks dirty." Ummm...I laughed. I thought he was joking. He ordered for us without even asking me what I like, then dismissed himself to go wash his hands. [First text to friends: "Oh god. He doesn't drink."] He came back traumatized. "The bathroom is right next to the kitchen...and I don't think they're very careful about all that raw meat." He proceeded to wipe down our table. I laughed, uncomfortably.

Over the next four hours, I learned a lot about Dick Downer. 

Things that Dick Downer hates:

• germs
• bars that have live music 
• spending money
• his job
• his co-workers
• Chrismas music
• Republicans (yup, he talked politics on a second date)
• costumes
• his high school friends

This guy probably hates blowjobs and rainbows, too...

We finally made it over to the movie theater, and I snuck away to the bathroom. [Second text to sister: "Wish I was with you. This date is bleh."] The moment we sat down, he lifted the armrest and reached for my hand. Interesting, since we had no prior physical contact. The movie started and well...it isn't exactly a romantic comedy. I won't spoil it, but you shouldn't see this film on a date. When the plot turned, he pulled his hand away. After the movie, Dick Downer added something to the list of things he hates: 

• Perks of Being a Wallflower

He complained about its lack of originality, then complained about the $8 parking fee, and then complained about the parking garage. Just when I felt relieved to make it back to my car, he surprise-attacked my face. HE ATE MY FACE. And just like that, he was gone...and I wiped the saliva off my face and raced home. 

This is why first dates should last longer than thirty minutes...

Spring Forward, Fall Back

I spent my extra hour...blogging.

The season changed, and my summer romance officially ended. In fact, I closed the door on everyone I'd been in contact with:

The Aussie
The Over-Texter
The Not-So-Tall Guy
The Busy Builder

After I posted my "Takin It Back, Tuesdays" about The Aussie (and he confessed he knew about the blog all along), we decided it's better when we don't have contact with each other. This might be the first time neither one of us has the other's phone number. It's for the best.

The Over-Texter was umm...texting me too much. So I politely told him I was interested. He said ok.

I was a complete dick to the Not-So-Tall Guy. Ugh. I feel so badly about how it all went down, but I pretty much just pulled a disappearing act. I should have told him a long, long time ago that I just didn't have romantical feelings for him.

And now I'll say what many who read this already know...I'd still be seeing The Busy Builder all summer. We started hanging out about once a week, and I started to think the feelings were strong for both of us. But I was wrong. I'd been having all kinds of anxiety, wanting to tell him how I felt. And then he dressed as an online dating profile for Halloween. I put my heart out there, though via text. I wanted to be included in his world, meet his friends, be more than the girl he hung out with out of laziness at the end of a night. I told him I was ready to shut down this blog and delete my dating profile because I only wanted to hang out with him. But he didn't want that. So that's that.

While part of me has been sad, feeling like I did last November when The Aussie and I ended our relationship, the other part feels relieved. I'm too awesome to settle for only a little attention and consideration. Time for a new season!

Just me and this guy again...

The Over-Texter

Remember Sarcastic Profile Guy from Monday's post? I gave him my number.

BIG MISTAKE.

I know he thinks it's the girls who are totally crazy, but I think it might be him. He's texting me WAY too much. It's annoying. There has to be balance, people!

There are so many things that are wrong about this "conversation." 

• The first text was at 9:45am, fifteen minutes after I got to work. Too early to text if I don't really know you.
• "Good to meet up tomorrow?" is NOT asking a girl out on a first date. That's why I didn't reply.
• But he didn't give up. 10am is a little better than 9:45am.
• Yup, I still didn't reply.

This is why he's 34 and single. 

Please excuse my lack of enthusiasm.

I got an email after yesterday's post:

"Hey there. Sounds like you're getting pretty jaded with all the online dates. If you aren't feeling the butterflies anymore, maybe you should stop."

That's the third person to tell me I'm "jaded." I hate that stupid word.

jad·ed/ˈjādid/

 

Adjective:

Tired, bored, or lacking enthusiasm, typically after having had too much of something.

I wouldn't label myself as "jaded." Sure, I'm just as tired of being single as the next soon-to-be 28 year-old whose Facebook is filled with engagements, weddings, and pregnancy announcements. But I wouldn't say I've had too much of dating. It hasn't lost its appeal. Love is awesome.

I know what the butterflies feel like, I just don't expect them on a first date with someone I met online. You know that feeling you get when you meet someone interesting out in the real world? It's just not the same with online dating. The first date is more of a test...to see if you want to go on a real life date with them. You just want to be sure they look like what they said they look like, and screen them for the psycho-gene. It's not as organic as real life.

So, please excuse my lack of enthusiasm. My butterflies are still alive; they're just not getting their hopes up too soon.

However, if being "jaded" means I am Mila Kunis in the Aerosmith music video, I'm all in!

The Speed Dater

Another first date.

He seemed nice online. He acted very quickly, suggesting a coffee meet-up. I agreed. I arrived at the local Starbucks right on time. He paid for my pumpkin spice latte. That is possibly the most exciting part of the date. 

The Speed Dater must have prepared a list of questions:

"Tell me about..."

Next topic.

"Tell me about..."

Next topic.

"Tell me about..."

And then he checked his phone. The Speed Dater told me he was starving and needed to go so he could eat dinner. I was home within an hour.

Hmmm. Was it something I said? Think back to topics, Lindsay...Very typical conversations: music, traveling, Israel, work, family.

Maybe The Speed Dater was really hungry. Or maybe he wasn't into me. I won't hold my breath for his call.

Mmmm pumpkin spice latte. 

Best Time to be Online

Ladies, I have just discovered the best time to be "online" on a dating site: Sunday afternoon. 

It's football season. So what are all the guys I don't want to date doing? Watching football. Maybe it's because I grew up in LA, but frankly I don't care at all about this sport. I'm sure tailgating is fun, and I'll be a good sport and go to a bar to watch a game...but you should know I'm only attending either for the beer.

It's also the day after Saturday. Yes I know that's obvious. But I mean it's the day after Saturday NIGHT. A lot of people, including me, are so fucking a little bit hungover that they are just enjoying their couch and catching up on their DVR on this fine afternoon. All the time in the world to be online...

So here I am, writing back and forth with a guy online. I've gotten about ten messages this afternoon and only one of them is even remotely attractive. That's a pretty standard ratio. I responded to Sarcastic Profile Guy because of his funny profile. Um, ya...that's why I gave him that name. I know my creativity is astounding. Apparently he's had a few crazy dates on this site, and so have I. I even mentioned blogging in my first reply, because honestly I think he wouldn't care. And he didn't even ask about it. Awesome.

Hey, if it doesn't work out (and it probably won't), maybe he'll want to guest post.

And the award for funniest profile goes to:

I won't message you back if... #4

...you're looking for a girlfriend for your wife.

I don't want to be your princess. But I do appreciate the recognition that I am one.

Um, I think I know you.

Oh boy. This was bound to happen.

I got a message today that was actually pretty clever, and I almost responded. But then I took a closer look and...
Uh oh. I know him.

At first I thought, well maybe I should respond? Maybe it's some weird sign that we should have hung out in college. Should I tell him I know who he is? Nope. It's just too weird. Ignore. 

And just like that I remember that online dating isn't exactly anonymous. I wonder how many more people I know are out there!

Ps. I totally went and creeped on him on Facebook after. Anyone would do that...right?

Ace a First Date: For Guys

After my latest string of first dates, I thought it might be time to spell it out for the guys out there. Here are my tips for a great first date:

1. You pick the location. ~ Make it somewhere convenient for her, but also somewhere you are familiar with. Girls like to learn, so maybe somewhere interactive, or a place where you know "the best cocktail the bartender makes" or "the chef's specialty."
2. Call (I did not say text!) to confirm the day before. ~ She'll be impressed, trust me. Texting isn't enough for before a first date. She needs to hear you are excited in order to also feel excited.
3. Open doors. ~ It may seem simple, but you'd be surprised how many times it doesn't happen. Chivalry is not dead, people!
4. Be romantical (okay that's not a real word, but I love it), without over-doing it. ~ First dates are hard. Especially if it's a blind first date. But make sure it feels like a date, not drinks with a friend. Sit closer to her. Find a way to let your hands or legs "accidentally" brush against hers. If she likes you, she will respond. But don't choose an overly romantic setting or a super expensive restaurant. Only bad can come of it: a) she'll be uncomfortable or b) she'll expect a $200 dinner every time you take her out!
5. LISTEN. ~ Fucking hell, just try. Make eye contact. Engage. Nod your head. Stop staring at her boobs and wondering what she looks like naked.
6. Have fun! ~ I love to laugh. If the date is fun, but lacking some of the other nine items I've listed here, I'll most likely give him a second chance date.
7. PAY. ~ When you're officially a couple, you will spoil each other, but until then...it's your wallet. Don't even put her in the uncomfortable state of wondering if she'll have to pay. And don't let her see the bill. That's douchey.
8. Offer to walk her to her car. ~ She may or may not say yes, but it's the right thing to do.
9. If you want to see her again, tell her. ~ If you're too nervous to say it in person as the date is ending, you should definitely include it in your follow-up text. My most recent date had the perfect example of a follow-up text: "Hey, I had a great time last night! [Insert joke referencing something we talked about on the date.]" The joke shows he was LISTENING. Good boy!
10. Stop it with the three day rule. ~ We hate that shit.

Is it weird that I'm kind of hesitant to post this, knowing some of the guys I've dated will now use my advice to woo other girls? Typical Lindsay.

Guys with Accents

I'm such a sucker. Aren't we all?

But after my first date with The Southern Gentleman, I'm not sure I can date a guy with one...again. Maybe it's an actor thing, but whenever I'm around someone with an accent I start taking it on. I'm a chameleon! 

The longer I sat with him, the harder it was for me to stop myself from saying "ya'll." Bad enough that I just returned from a visit with my family in Chicago. My accent is so confused! I don't know who I am anymore!

Sorry, Southern Gentleman. It's not going to work out. Also, I would have expected a man from North Carolina to open doors and walk me to my car. And not be 10 minutes late. 

photo courtesy of zazzle.com

How awesome...for you.

I lined up three different first dates. Some people accuse me of doing it for blog material, but truly I am a romantic. I want to fall in love. It just hasn't happened in a while, and I might as well go out and try to meet people. Also, I officially gave up on The Busy Builder. I've gotten a lot of messages from people rooting for that to work out, but the truth is...you can't MAKE someone like you.

I need some distraction, don't you think? And I actually got a little excited about Bachelor #2, a Jewish lawyer who wrote that he was six feet tall, and I actually believed it! We had a nice little phone conversation about a week before our date, and I felt like he and I would get along well.

The day before the date, the details hadn't been decided and my OCD planning anxiety took over. I texted him to see if we were still on. He called me right back. The Amateur seemed very cheery on the phone and then, "So I know we were set to go out tomorrow, but...I MET SOMEONE!"

Oh, ok well cool. Good for you. He went on and on (and on and on) about meeting this great girl, and how he didn't think it was fair to her or me if he went out with me. Amateur. Let's do the math here. We've been talking for approximately 1.5 weeks. That means he met this girl within 10 days...and he's already limiting his options?? Amateur!

I was happy for him, and told him I understood. But he didn't stop there. He proceeded to give me dating advice. He said he didn't have much luck on dating sites. He suggested I go out to some of those singles mixers (the Jewy ones) since apparently that's where he met Miss Perfect. Thanks a lot, pal. 

Welp, I got rejected before he even met me. That's a first.