Is bad tipping a Dealbreaker?

...if you're an ex-server, potentially.

On our first date, The Busy Builder admitted to not really understanding why we tip in this society:

"I don't get a tip. Why should they? If anything, people cut down my fees and I make LESS money."

Um, you realize people who you tip are purposely in a field where they can make money be giving great service right? Otherwise, they're making minimum wage.

"Ya, but they're still not getting more than 15% from me. And definitely no tip to the valet for driving my car 20 feet. And no tip for the car wash."

[Insert Lindsay's "this is awkward" face.]

And then I sent him to Gratuity Not Included...but he was too busy to read it. 

I will confess that I always peek at the check when I'm on a date with a guy. Habit, I guess. Guys who are great tippers get extra points in my book. Then there are guys like Sandwich Guy, who on most dates...handed me his credit card and then fled the scene. "You sign for me, babe." I fucking hate when guys call me babe.  Barf.

I decided that in The Busy Builder's case, bad tipping would NOT be a Dealbreaker. 

...Oh, sorry. I was just daydreaming about the ways I could change you. Soon you'll be a great tipper, your Affliction shirts will be burned, and your musical taste will reflect something better than Weezer. 

No such thing as a free sandwich

Sunday the shit hit the ferris wheel. We ran out of money again on Saturday, so I suggested we go back to the ATM. When I opened my car door, Sandwich Guy sat quietly. I asked, "Aren't you going to take more money out?" "No. I'll just wait in the air conditioning." ASSHOLE. Look, if I have a boyfriend, I'm all about splitting costs. But what happened to his "I'm not worried about it" statement about money? (-20 points, I can't afford this, and he knows it!)

I really tried to be polite, but he was losing points all over the fairgrounds. I thanked him again for bringing me and he said, "No problem. I got a really good deal on the tickets. They were practically free." Guys: This is called unnecessary disclosure. Girls do not need to know about discounts or "great deals" on items you bought for him. I felt like he just told me my diamond ring was actually cubic zirconia. 

We went to eat at a burger food truck and Sandwich Guy ordered us ONE burger to share. As we passed the burger, taking turns on bites, I lost it.
OH MY GOD. I DON'T WANT TO SHARE A BURGER WITH YOU! I WANT MY OWN SANDWICH! WHO SPLITS A BURGER??
Maybe it was the extreme heat and dehydration, or maybe it was just my love of food...Sandwich Guy had officially driven me towards a Crazy Girl Moment. There would be no more sandwiches in our future.

I looked at the time and reminded him that Girl Talk was about to start and I wanted to get a good spot at the Outdoor Stage. All of a sudden, guess who's interested in watching the show at the Sahara Tent (where they play the house music he hates)? Seriously? As I dragged him to Girl Talk, he confessed he had been thinking it was a girl group. At Coachella? Riiiiight.

Somehow I managed to enjoy the rest of the night...thanks to Girl Talk, Florence+The Machine, and the amazing headlining performance of Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg and their holographic entourage. After being stuck in the mob of dirty hipsters trying to leave the fairgrounds, we finally made it to my car. Yes, I am driving us back to LA at 1:30am. And he didn't even offer to drive my car for me. "You can go to sleep. I'm good." (+10 points for me, because I love being passive aggressive) We barely spoke on the way home and when I dropped him off, I told him I wanted to sleep in my own bed. Goodnight, Sandwich Guy.

Approximately one week later, Sandwich Guy texted me:
"I don't think it's going to work out between us."

No shit.

But wait...did HE just dump ME? 

Sandwich Guy is NOT a Hipster

Friday of Coachella Weekend I drove my hipster gear to Hermosa to pick up Sandwich Guy. He asked me to drive us to the festival because his "classic" car wasn't reliable for long trips. (-10 points, I hate driving) When I got there he was super excited and had even packed us some snacks. (+5 points, I love snacks) A few hours later we were close to the hotel we were staying at and stopped to get a bite to eat. He ordered us ONE turkey sandwich to share... One sandwich. (-5 points) Whatever, I'm going to Coachella!

We hurriedly threw our stuff in the room and took a cab to the event. It was fucking hot, but cooling off as the evening performances began. The first night was pretty smooth, considering Sandwich Guy has no idea who is performing at this festival besides The Black Keys and Snoop/Dr. Dre. (+10 points, I get to pick our shows) The trouble is, he doesn't like house music (a key part of the event) and also didn't really want to drink. Sooooo we're in Indio with a million amazing bands you've never heard of, you don't want to party, and you don't want to jump around in a crowd of people on ecstasy? Why are we here?? The Black Keys were amazing, and as he stood behind me with his hands around my waist, I felt confident about the weekend. This was going to be a really special memory.

Saturday was a fresh day, and I was ready to party! It was a little weird getting ready in front of a guy this soon. I much prefer to appear looking cute without him seeing the effort behind it. But he told me I looked really cute, and that made it better. (+10 points). I suggested we drink a fair amount before heading to the fairgrounds, but he declined. Ugh. I told him we needed to find a bank because I'd only brought $100 in cash and we used it on Friday night since he "forgot to get cash." (-5 points) I thought surely he would pay me back when we went to the ATM, but no. Instead he suggested he carry all OUR money for the day. Hmm. Halfway through the day, I was sober and annoyed with him but he made up for it all when he helped push me to the front right to watch one of my favorite bands: The Shins. (+10 points, for being a man) I couldn't help but think about The Aussie...somewhere in the same crowd, cuddling up to his new American girlfriend. And I'm here with this guy. That night I told him I was too tired for anything sexual, since I was sweaty and dirty. It was only partly true. I could tell he was pissed, and I didn't care...

An offer I couldn't refuse

You may think it's harsh, but for me...snoring is a Dealbreaker. How could we possibly share a life together without being able to sleep in the same bed? Just as I was trying to limit my contact with Sandwich Guy by being "busy," he texted the most magical phrase I'd ever seen:

"If I got us tickets to Coachella, would you want to go?"

I explained that while his offer would be this little wannabe hipster's dream come true, I hadn't purchased tickets because I simply could not afford it. His response? "I'm not worried about that."

Free trip to Coachella? I can't turn this down...can I?

Coachella: a weekend of all sorts of my favorite bands
No-chella: with a guy I'm not that into

Coachella: maybe it would bring us together
No-chella: or maybe we'd kill each other

Coachella: he must see long-term potential for us
No-chella: I'll probably have to sleep with him if I say yes...

Why am I even having this inner-battle of ethics? It's Coachella! And he invited you! Just go! What's the worst thing that could happen?

It would be wrong if I didn't mention the other reason I said "YES" to Coachella: The Aussie. After our breakup, he decided to follow through with his US Work Visa and moved to Austin, Texas. He met a girl. He bought her a ticket and flew her to Coachella with him...with tickets that were meant for us. But I had declined his offer.

Sleepless Night

...and not the good kind.

On our third and fourth dates, I started to notice something concerning about Sandwich Guy. He drinks A LOT when we hang out. Typical girl thoughts: Does he have to be drunk to hang out with me? Maybe he's just nervous. Do I want to date a guy that always gets wasted? But I party a lot, too. 

On our fourth date, I permitted him to spend the night. This was mostly because I had no idea how he'd get back to Hermosa that drunk. I was definitely not ready to sleep with him, but I figured I could probably give him a bj and he'd be satisfied with that. I'm told this is a typical Jewish girl maneuver. Well, I didn't even have to because he wanted the night to be about me...SCORE. That kind of thing doesn't usually do it for me, but if you insist...

...Can I keep this guy around just for that? Is that horrible?

That thought quickly left the moment he passed out, wrapped around me with his hot, hairy body. He nearly pushed me off my own bed. And then...the snoring started. Oh my fucking god. He's smothering me! How is he not waking himself up?!? Oh I know. I'll just nudge him away. Fuck, he's too heavy. I know. I'll squeeze out from under his arm and...YES I'm free! I'll just go on the other side of the bed. It's so nice and cool over here. Ugh. It's 4am and I still can't sleep. Psssst...Oliver...are you awake?

I took Oliver and quietly tiptoed out of the room. Thankfully we have a guest room. I slept soundly for about three hours before I heard him wake up to pee. Crap. I went back into my room and sat on the bed, and when he came back he wasn't even that surprised to see me. "Where were you?" Oh...um, I'm just a really light sleeper and you were kinda snoring. "Oh. That sucks for you."

GAME OVER. 

Second Date with Sandwich Guy

Just as I suspected, Sandwich Guy liked me quite a lot. I even had to make up plans for Saturday because he was very eager to see me the very next day after our date. I agreed to Sunday instead. When he suggested he buy us Laker tickets the day of the game because he knew I've never been, I wondered if he could actually pull that off. Oh yeah...I should probably mention now: He makes really good money.

This isn't necessarily something I look for. I have had the misfortune pleasure of mostly dating guys that are broke, still trying to get their shit together. But this was different. Sandwich Guy, at 31, has a well-paying job that he loves (so I don't think I can recruit him to take over my family business, but that's another story) and he's very open that money is never an issue for him. He lives in a swanky beach house in Hermosa Beach, drives a Porsche, and probably spends more money on shoes than I do. Must be nice.

My instincts told me he was a good guy, and frankly I didn't feel like going out, so I invited him over to my house to watch a movie and get Chinese Takeout. I know what you're thinking...It's too soon. He shouldn't be at your house. He could be a serial killer! But I had this guy bouncing the door:

So it's all good.

Key Moment: The food arrives, and I decide to be a "cool girl" and pay for it. I did invite him over to my house, so it seems fair. Bad call. He scolded me for even trying. Sat me down like a little girl and said, "I work really hard in order to take care of my friends and family. Please don't even try to pay for things when you're with me." I remembered that...and you should, too. It will be very important when I reveal what makes him Sandwich Guy.

After a lot of cuddling and Sandwich Guy being TOTALLY open about his feelings for me, "I feel so lucky to have met you. You make me feel so comfortable, like I can tell you anything," I started to worry. This is the kind of guy I should like. He's emotionally available, just like The Aussie, except he actually has his life in order and gets bonus points for being Jewish. But there's something about him that I just can't fall for... I had no idea what it was, but there just wasn't a spark for me. Maybe I can learn to like him?

The first good first date!

With three strikes against me, I started to think online dating is for boring people and pervs. I relapsed. And by relapse, I mean I went back to my exes...one of my biggest flaws. I don't cut ties when I should. It's a problem, but at least I recognize it.
So maybe I sent a super sad email to The Aussie telling him how sorry I was for being a bad girlfriend and not realizing how amazing he was until after it was too late. And maybe this nearly caused him to end his new relationship and look for jobs in Los Angeles. And MAYBE I also texted The Playboy to come visit, knowing full well he was dating a 19-year-old. I'm weak. I'm sorry. UGH.

After this minor setback, I happened across a message from a guy who looked decently attractive. And hey, he's Jewish! After some flirtatious text messages, I agreed to go out with him on a Friday night. As I walked out of the parking garage, I saw what looked like a typical Jewish guy and nearly turned back to my car. (Why, oh, why can't I be attracted to The Chosen Ones?) Instead, I smiled and approached.

You're already out, Lindsay. Just get a drink, then call your friends to go out after. Plus, you're having a REALLY good hair day. (See below)

The Sandwich Guy (you'll understand why this is his name in due time) and I decided to go to one of the bars in Culver City. Before I could even look at the menu, he ordered a vodka orange juice with an extra shot. I stuck with the typical girl drink: vodka soda. No extra shot for me, thanks. He was nervous; it was his first time on a date with someone he met online. Halfway through the first round, we decided to share appetizers and he stood up and came around to stand over my shoulder as we looked over our one menu. Whoa. Am I attracted to him? I have little butterflies now that he's so close!

After we ate and went through a second round of drinks, it was time to go. I think I like him...and he obviously likes me, too, because he wants to keep the night going. Standing room only in the next bar we walked to, but he ordered me a beer and we stood and talked a little more. I was either drunk, or starting to really like him. Let's go with the latter because right then he leaned in and kissed me. We kissed right in the middle of the bar and I felt like time stopped for a second. It was a great move.

When I finally used my, "I have to go home because my dog hates to be alone" excuse, I looked at my phone and saw we'd been out for FOUR HOURS. Longest first date ever, but a successful one! I see a second date in my future...